My Baby is 1!

Dear Fin,

Wow. You’re 1! This year seemed to be the fastest year of my life. When I was pregnant with you, time stood still. Towards the middle and end of my pregnancy, things were rough.  However, I knew that there was going to be a light at the end of the tunnel. When you were born, it was the first time in my life that I was truly scared. I was scared because I had made a promise to myself that I would try my hardest to be the best mommy I could be for you. Often times, I feel like a terrible mom or that I am royally failing at the job, but then you see me and smile and it reassures me that I might be doing this whole mom thing correctly. I realized my love for you was stronger than any other love I have for any other person or thing, when they took you away to the NICU. I pray a lot, but I prayed so much for you to be safe. I even asked others to pray for you. I wanted to switch places with you. I wanted to take away any pain or experiences you were going through. I knew my love for you was stronger, when I slept at the hospital with you that week and never left your side. Your daddy made me go rest every so often but my heart was still with you. People ask me what it is like now that I have a child. It’s pretty simple. Picture your heart is outside your body…. you are my heart. I love you with every fiber of my being. I have more anxiety than I have ever had before. I worry about you day and night. I want to protect you from everything and I promise I will try my hardest to do so. However, I will let you fall and experience the ups and downs of life. I will let you experience various emotions. I will yell at you when you’re being fresh or when you’re not listening. I will let you explore and try new things. I will encourage you to stand up for yourself and pursue the things you want in life. But always know I will be there to hold you and hug you when you need me too. I will kiss the boo-boos when you fall down. I will move the mountains for you when you are having some trouble getting over them. I will knock down (literally) anyone that hurts you. Because even when you’re all grown up, you are still my Finasaurus and I will always be your Mommasaurus. When I look at you, I feel like I hit the lottery. You smile at almost everything and everyone. You love to play and explore. Even when you’re upset, I feel like our cuddles can help take that sadness away. Thank you so much baby for choosing me to be your mama.

You will always be my baby. HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY!!!

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