The Funny (but harsh) Things Toddlers Say

I believe that there are two kinds of people that always tell the truth, drunk people and toddlers. When I used to work at a daycare, I was given the cold, harsh truth by some toddlers. I would then ask to use the restroom, give myself a long, hard look in the mirror and try to hold back the tears. Kids say funny things, but when a toddler says it, it’s even funnier because they have just learned to talk. I wonder if they were holding all this word vomit in for the first years of their life when they couldn’t speak. If you think a toddler is secretly judging you, you’re wrong. They aren’t secretly judging you, they are judging you…hard. They are tiny little tornado beasts that destroy everything in their path…toys, clothes, household items, souls…..

I asked moms in a Facebook mommy group to share the funniest thing their toddler has ever said and the results are pretty funny. What has a toddler ever told you? I would love to know!

  1. Mine asked my sister why her teeth were yellow and she told me in the shower I had a big heinie. My husband likes to wear gym shorts and I always give him a hard time. He was taking her to soccer practice and she said you are not wearing those shorts daddy I can see your privates.
  2. My 9 yr old, Noah told his meemaw (my mother) that his brother (my 7yr old) , Nolan didn’t like her. “I wish Nolan liked you, but he doesn’t. It’s ok though, meemaw cuz I like you”
  3. I’m pregnant about 7 months and the other day my daughter said “Mommy your belly is getting so big now.” Then turns to daddy and says, “It almost as big as daddy’s belly.”
  4. Zoe told me the other day my knees move like Jello.
  5. My almost 3 year old son told me to put make up on because I have a red dot on my face.
  6. My 4 year old was with me while I getting dressed and said, “Mommy will my boobies hang low like yours one day?”
  7. My 21 month old doesn’t say sentences yet, but lately she’s been saying “shit” all the time.
  8. My 4 yo daughter called my father in law fat the other day.
  9. My sister was putting lotion on her face. My nephew walked in and asked “Mommy, what is that for?” My sister replied “It makes me look younger”. Then my nephew said “Oh…well it’s not working.”
  10. We were singing ‘this old man went rolling home’ and my three year old was like “Which old man? Daddy?” Right in front of him.
  11. Daddy: “Nah, I don’t want any Jordan. I’m not hungry.” Jordan: “But dad, you’re always hungry.”
  12. Lately when I try to correct my 3 year old I get “You’re not the teacher. I’m not happy. Go sit at the table.”
  13. “Goodbye, mom and dad! I’m calling my new family and they’re going to bring me to my new house in a castle!”
  14. “Can I get out of the tub now? I look old and wrinkly like Mimi!” 
  15. My 3 year old walked in on my husband in the bathroom and said, “Dad put that thing back in your pants.”
  16. I asked to play dolls with my daughter and she said yes. When I asked her which doll I could be, she replied, “The one that does the dishes.”
  17. My almost 4 year old asked my best friend that always visits if she “Even has any other friends?”
  18. My son thinks I’m 100 years old. I’m clearly not. When I remind him I’m 30, he tells me “I don’t look it.”
  19. My daughter looked at my wedding photos with me and asked me “What happened, you used to be so pretty?” 
  20. My son asked his aunt when she was going to shave her mustache?

One word…savage.

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