Oh I’m sorry, who said you could talk to me?

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One thing I cannot stand more than anything is when strangers make comments or give me “advice” about how I parent. First off, how do I know you even have children? Because if you don’t….back off. You have no right to say one word to me. Also, if you start making comments or giving me advice, you better pull out your PhD certificate in being the world’s best parent, otherwise I’m not listening to you because you probably just obtained have a PhD in bullshit. I’m going to try to keep my bad language to a minimum in this post because otherwise it would be covered all over in it.

Secondly, the last place I really want to be is at a store with my obnoxious 20 month old. Ok fine, he’s not bad all the time in the store, but sometimes he is. I try to keep him under control with feeding him a crap load of snacks. Fin thinks every time he sits in a shopping cart, he gets a snack. I mean…that is true. And God forbid if I forget the snacks and we aren’t at a store that sells food….disaster. Half the time I bring Fin to the store, it’s me trying to pry the snack bag from his death grip or me trying to get my pen back that I need to to cross off things on my list or me trying to save my list from being ripped or me chasing after him because the store doesn’t have shopping carts or me trying to make him sit down because he’s so small he slips through that belt I strap around him and he’s trying to stand up. So the last thing I want is someone coming up to me to offer me some unsolicited advice.

Over the last 20 months I have gotten pretty much the same advice from strangers. And most of these strangers are above the age of 45. Just because you’re older, does not make you wiser. I mean when you were a kid back in 19-whatever…they didn’t even have car seats. You were told cigarettes where good for you. You cooked everything with lard. 

I used to just grin and bear it and walk away, but not when someone comments on my parenting skills or gives me “advice” I’m not as silent. I blame it on my pregnancy hormones. Here are some of the things I have so kindly been told over the last 20 months. I have also included ones that my friends have gotten and what my response would have been.

  1. “Awe he’s so cute, how old is he 6 months?” He’s 12 months. “Oh wow, he’s so small, are you feeding him?” Yes I feed him! Do you not see the huge bag of snacks in his hand or the 12 veggie sticks he is currently shoveling into this mouth. My kid is petite. It’s genetics. I can’t control it. The kid eats all day long. Thank God he has a good metabolism or he’d probably be 100 lbs. Don’t be jealous.
  2. “Where’s his jacket? It’s cold out?” First off, we are in a heated store. Secondly, I am not putting his heavy jacket on while he sits in his car seat. That’s a HUGE NO-NO. Sometimes if we have parked close to the entrance I won’t put his coat on from the car to the store. He has a sweater on with a t-shirt under that and also a onesis. He is fine. My kid runs hot too. I wouldn’t let him freeze. 
  3. “Where are his shoes and socks? His feet will get cold.” Oh hey, yeh I never bought him those. Figured he can just barefoot it for the first 10 years of his life. But seriously, my kid hates socks and shoes. The minute we get into the car, he pulls them right off. If it’s warm out, I don’t even bother putting them back on if he is going right into a shopping cart. If it’s cold out, I will put them back on and he ends up pulling them off in the store. Half the time his feet are hot, sweaty messes. 
  4. (From a friend) While in a store searching for a hat to buy my son, an old man comes up to me and says, “Where is his hat?” 
  5. (From a friend) “OMG he’s too young to be in public!” Oh I’m sorry, I guess I should have checked with you before I brought my 3 week old out. Hold on, give me your number so I can call you to make sure it’s ok to bring him out next time. Sorry if I’m starving and wanted to walk to the diner to get my breakfast. Last time I checked, walking and fresh air are good for you.
  6. (From a friend) Waiter: “Why are you wiping down the table? Germs are good for babies.” Well yes, it is good that kids are exposed to germs to build up their immunity but my kid will fling his plate if I give it to him. So I wipe down the table in order to put some of his food in front of him since he is 1 and he eats with his fingers. And I’m wiping down the highchair because I can probably tell you he’ll go to chew on that about a million times. I know for a fact you’re not washing down these high chairs after every use.
  7. “Aw he’s so cute but he’s hair is in his eyes. He needs a haircut.” Why thank you? Did you come all the way over here to tell me that? And what about your hair? Not going to be doing anything about those grays?
  8. While in the grocery store, “You shouldn’t let him eat so much of that?” (My son was eating veggie sticks.) OMG thank you, thank you. You saved my son from utter destruction. My kid behaviors better in a store when he has a snack and he loves his veggie sticks. And they’re way better than other things I could be giving to him. And by the looks of it, I would say you probably haven’t eaten a real vegetable in your life.

Now some of my comments, I have said back to these strangers because if you’re going to be rude to me…well…I’m going to be rude right back at you. Some other comments I have said in my head and now on here. 

I would love to hear any of the rude or annoying things strangers have said to you while you were out with your bundles of joy! Go ahead, vent, comment, share! We’re in this together ladies.

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