Being a mom has made me realize how much a mom is willing to do for her children. As an only child, growing up had it’s advantages and disadvantages. I was always at my grandma’s playing with my cousins, so I never really felt like an only child, however, when I went home I was alone which I didn’t mind. Sometimes it was lonely, it’s one of the main reasons why I wanted at least two children, so that they always have each other. Because I am an only child, I have always felt that my mom was a little over protective. She didn’t have anyone else to worry about except for me. She is definitely a mama bear for sure. I get it though, finally. I get what it feels like to always worry about the well-being and safety of your kids. I know what it feels like to love someone so much you would do absolutely anything for them.
Being a mom of 2 I have a learned a lot about myself, as well as other things. Mostly that I have no control over most things in my life. Being someone that likes to have control over a lot of things made me realize I need to adjust this and just let things flow. And boy have I learned to do that. I try not to let myself get anxious about stuff I cannot control, which can be hard. I have realized that I’m in the same boat as 99% of moms out there. The moms on Instagram and Pinterest, that 1%, are either not real (just for show) or do not actually spend anytime with their kids….or are super rich and can afford to hire people to do everything for them. There are so many things us moms need to just except, basically.
Often times being a wife and mother is overwhelming and hard. I have 3 kids. One who will be 2 and 1/2 (don’t ask me how many months that is), another who is 10 weeks old, and a 34 year old man child. Yes, I include my husband as one of my children because often I feel more like his mother than wife. I also have 2 fur children if you to throw them into the mix. Anyway…being a mother is a full-time job. I have that job, along with being a cook, cleaning lady, laundry person, milk maid, snack bitch, garbage man, chauffeur, bather, oh and my real job that pays me an income. Moms do it all! I probably do more than what I listed but whose keeping track? Me? Nah…..
My path to external and internal happiness…
You made me a mom of 2. While you’re only 5 weeks old, I am so very grateful to you. When I was pregnant with Fin I gained 23 lbs. I worked out by doing a lot of cardio at the gym, some machines, and a lot of squats at home. When I gave birth, I lost my baby weight quickly but still didn’t feel comfortable in my skin. I breastfed and my body hung onto fat in places I never had it before and it was hard for me to deal with. I would secretly analyze myself in the mirror and cry. Your daddy would tell me all the time how beautiful I was but I didn’t believe him. I needed to think that myself and I didn’t. I also didn’t want to get in that mentality that I was in my 30s, had a kid, so I could “let myself go”. That just isn’t me, at all.
When I became a mom I realized I needed to meet more women who had just became mothers as well. I needed to make friends with these women. Not because I didn’t love my friends already but because I needed to have new friends I could connect with on a different level. That level being turning to someone to talk about the color of our kids poop, being a human milk machine or a toddler’s snack bitch, venting about our husbands, etc. Every so often in one of the Facebook mommy groups I belong to, there would be a mom or two asking if anyone wanted to be their mom friend. I replied a few times to these “ads”. I replied because…Yes, I wanted a mom friend.
When my son was born my main goal was to be able to provide him breast milk for a full year. I did not want to have to supplement with formula. That was just my own personal goal. I succeeded. I nursed him and pumped for 6 months and then exclusively pumped for another 6 months until he turned 1. I had a lot of reasonings as to why I wanted to do this. Or I should say needed to do this for a year. I can share those at another time. My daughter was born 5 days ago and I have been nursing her. My goal is the same, to do it for 1 year. I did start to pump (shhhh….don’t tell the lactation consultant) because I have to build up a stash for when my mom watches her when I go back to work in September. Also, my husband likes being able to give her a bottle here and there (especially in the middle of the night).
If you’ve ever been pregnant, I’m sure you have gotten a lot of people saying things all the time to you…whether it was to your face or behind your back. I have had a handful of people make comments to me about my pregnant friends or comments to me being pregnant. I honestly don’t know what gives them the right to even be thinking some of these things. If anyone has ever been pregnant, they know how it feels….especially in the last month. It’s friggen hard! Your hormones are raging, you have bursts or energy…but at the same time you want to sleep for years on end, you basically can’t fit into any of your clothes (well I refused to buy that many maternity clothes and all my regular clothes are xs or s, so that’s my own fault), you feel like a beached whale when you’re sitting on the couch, simple tasks become extraordinary feats, etc.
I cannot believe you are 2 years old! I remember the day I gave birth to you so clearly. It doesn’t feel like it was 2 years ago. I have realized that in two years you have taught me so much. Every decision I make revolves around how it will affect you because you and your sister are my top priorities. Even the decision of what I’m going to have to eat affects you because no one wants a hangry mommy. I think every year on your birthday I am going to write you a letter to celebrate you turning another year older. While I cry that my baby is growing up, you smile and laugh because every day you’re learning more and more and exploring your little world. These first two years of your life were so exciting. You learned to walk and you haven’t stopped since. You are always on the go. Your legs may be little but they take you far. You are into coloring, puzzles, and stickers. You can sit for a while and play with them. You love saying your ABCs and counting from 0-10. Every time you see letters or numbers you say them.
My husband is one of a kind. This I definitely know. Even though we may not always agree on things or if we do things differently, we fit together pretty perfectly. I honestly fall more in love with him everyday and actually miss when he’s not around. I used to love my alone time (there is no such thing anymore with a little Fin always next to me, haha) but I love when my husband is home. I want to wish my husband a very happy birthday! You’re 34. Damn boy, you gettin’ old. I’m not that much younger, but I still like to tease him. So to my loving husband, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Yesterday and Monday were two crazy, sort of spontaneous days for me. My husband and I adopted another rescue dog. We had been looking for an English bulldog to adopt, but it wasn’t working out at all. We decided to look into other dog breeds. My dog definitely needed a friend and I think we made the right decision. This had me reflecting on what other things in my life I have done that have made me feel good inside. I wrote down my 10 best life achievements so far and this is what I have come up with….